At the end of my Gospel I say, “There are also many other things that Jesus did, but if these were to be described individually, I do not think the whole world could contain the books that would be written” (Jn 21:24).
You have asked me to describe Jesus so that you may feel closer to Him. Maybe you wish you could have seen the way that He interacted with the people He healed. Or maybe you wish that you could have asked Him questions, or received explanations that would soothe your mind. Or perhaps you wish that you could lie against His heart and feel it beating as I did at the Last Supper.
All of these are beautiful and natural desires but the thing that I want to communicate to you more than what Jesus was like is that you already know the Jesus I knew, in some ways better than I did when I followed Him. I know this is hard to comprehend and perhaps you will never really believe me, but it is true. There is a large expanse of years between the time Jesus walked the Earth and your life now, but that leaves you with many examples of what Christ was like, lived through the lives of holy people who followed in His footsteps.
If you combine all of the things that you love about all of the Saints, that tells you about Jesus. If you imagine all of the amazing saints to come, that tells you about Jesus. He has the strength and the unflinching honesty of Padre Pio. He is the tender sweetness of St. Therese. He is the knowledge and intellect of St. Thomas Aquinas. He is the humility of St. Jeanne Jugan. He has the deep and wide love for all humanity that Bl. James Alberione had. He has the love of justice of Dorothy Day and the love of the poor of Mother Teresa. Jesus is a brilliant diamond with many facets, and you learn more about Him through other people He puts in your path every day.
You love beautiful things. If everything that you saw was perfect and pleasing to the eye - that would be a little what like watching Jesus was like. He was like a moving piece of art. All that He did spoke of Beauty. All that He was is Beauty. All that He loved, it made it all look beautiful in our eyes too. And you already know what this is like, how the world has opened up like a budding flower after your conversion - that is how the world was when we were with Jesus.
You want to know what He was like, in His mannerisms and way of being. I can tell you that the thirst you have for holiness and perfection, it was found in the most ideal way in Jesus. He never responded to anyone or any situation in any way except love. He loved when He healed, He loved when He chastised. He even loved when He overturned tables. We always could trust that every single action and blink of His eye was pure love.
You have Jesus now in the Eucharist, my dear daughter. I know it is hard to remember this. It is easy to forget, to take for granted, to become lukewarm but Jesus is with you now in His body, blood, soul and divinity and He humbles Himself to become your spiritual food. God becomes your spiritual food. What an amazing miracle. Maximilian Kolbe said, “If the angels could be jealous of men they would be jealous of the gift that we have in Holy Communion,” and he was right.
So do not envy me, my daughter. Do not envy the time that I spent listening to Jesus’ heart. You listen to His heart every time you sit in prayer in front of the tabernacle. Do not envy me because I was the “beloved apostle” – YOU are His beloved apostle. Rejoice my child because Jesus is with you now, and we will all one day be together without tears or suffering in Heaven.
With eternal love,
The beloved apostle, John